Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
