peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
