I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
