Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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