he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
