doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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