my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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