o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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