I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Randomize
