actually, I'm a sock model
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
