This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
