I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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