Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
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