I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
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