Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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