i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
