what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize