It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
He better not be in your backpack
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Randomize
