I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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