she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
