he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
it's like heaven, but drunker
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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