Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
