Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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