When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
