don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Randomize
