i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
My life is pants optional.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
