oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
