Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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