My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
