i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
