I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize