I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
