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I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
