mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Randomize
