whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Are my feet made of real feet?
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
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