I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
