Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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