You don't have asthma, your pregnant
they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Randomize
