If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
