so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
