Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
