He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
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