you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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