there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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