saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
