Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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