Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize