can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
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