things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
