I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
