Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
