i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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