it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
