I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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