i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
