if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize