I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
