i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
