Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
