....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
