I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
