so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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