spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
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