Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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