Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Randomize
