if i can run in heels then i can drive
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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