I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
