sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
