Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
