You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Randomize
