It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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