wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
The Olympian is in my bed
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
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