I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
