He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
