We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
