Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I am available for nakedness
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