Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
