He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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