I am puke
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Randomize
